Listen Up
by whatcoloristhesky
Summary: I'm not the only one sick of the OOC-ness on this site—the boys have got somethin' to say about it too. WARNING: Boys will be boys, and their mouths are not censored.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: I'm not the only one sick of the OOC running rampant on this site—the boys have got somethin' to say about it too. **

**Warning: Boys will be boys, and their mouths are not censored.**

**Disclaimer: Hinton owns, man.**

* * *

Using fanbrat technology, a camcorder has been placed inside the Curtis house and somehow hooked up to the old TV. (Not much is thought of the space age technology.) The boys, including Johnny and Dallas (who have been brought back from the dead despite the constant reference to Pony's theme), have taken to speaking up against the horrid obscenities on the site.

It's a documentary of sorts… Let's see how the boys react.

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"When I —" Ponyboy starts to say but stops as Two-Bit steps in front of him.

"Two-Bit here. Not Keith… I don't know why ya'll insist on calling me Keith. My own mother doesn't even call me Keith and she's the one that named me!" He laughs at Pony's attempts to get in front of him again. "Pony wanted to go first, sayin' somethin' 'bout how he wrote the damn theme. Ya'll are butcherin' it by the way… but that's beside the point…

"Ya'll need to start giving me better jokes. I'm called Two-Bit for a reason, ya know. It's not 'cause I tell knock-knock jokes. Seriously now, save those for the four year olds. Besides, I ain't all jokes you know. I just like laughin' better than bein' serious and if I can shed some of my light on a topic, I damn well will. And another thi—"

Suddenly, Ponyboy shoves Two-Bit, and Two-Bit, not expecting the shove, stumbles to the side a bit. "Go find some booze and broads, Two-Bit. I'm tryin' to talk here," Ponyboy tells him.

Two-Bit grabs Pony, and lifts him up, promptly dropping him to the side. "That's another thing!" Two-Bit starts, holding his finger up in the air as he looks into the futuristic device. "Just 'cause our little Pony-kid here"— places Pony in a headlock as he comes back, and ruffles the kid's hair—"says I like booze, don't mean I'm a fuckin' drunk. Save that for all the dead-beat dads out there, ya dig? I wouldn't give it to kid neither. Give me some credit here, people. I'm offended you think I would even actually do it. I got a kid sister at home, ya know. I ain't the one who got this bum"—motions to Pony,who is now scowling by the wall—"drunker than a skunk when he was thirteen. You think I want Darry beatin' my head in? Would you want him beatin' your head in? I didn't think so."

Ponyboy mumbles something under breath, only to be ignored by Two-Bit once again.

"Give me some credit people!" Two-Bit continues. "I sure as hell ain't the moron ya'll like to make me out to be. I know what two plus two is. I've been in school longer than most of you and you have the gall to call me dumb? I ain't dumb. Give me some credit. I mean, can't a guy actually like school? Pony likes school and I don't see ya'll givin' him a hard time about it. Ya'll make him smart, or at least try to make him smart. I see the amount of homework ya'll give him. That's more than he gets in a week, I think.

Ponyboy scoffs from his spot by the wall. "You sure talk a lot, Two-Bit."

Two-Bit looks at Ponyboy incredulously. "Why Pony, I'm hurt! An' here I was thinkin' you loved me…"

Ponyboy rolls his eyes.

"Anyway, like I was sayin'…" Two-Bit continues, yet again. "I ain't a boozehound and I ain't a complete mooch. I like free things an' all, but I mean come on, who doesn't? Liftin' stuff is fun when you got the challenge of the law holding you back, and no, I ain't like that king guy from Robin Hood stealin' from the poor."

Ponyboy starts laughing at the incorrect literary reference. "Robin Hood's the one who steals from the rich and gives to the poor."

Two-Bit throws his pack of cigarettes at Ponyboy. "Go smoke, Ponyboy, I'm talkin' here," he tells the kid, and rather than fighting it, Ponyboy chuckles and lights up. "Like I was sayin'… I don't mooch off'a Darry like ya'll like to make me do. You ever seen how much the three of them eat? Even if I was goin' to mooch some, there'd only be crumbs left!

"And another thing! Mickey Mouse was Soda's thing and he sure wasn't no mouse either. He was a horse. A horse! How do ya'll mix up a horse and a mouse? Even I know the difference and I'm supposed to be dumb. I don't wear Mickey Mouse t-shirts either. I don't even know a place where the hell I would get one of those things. Disneyland maybe? I can't afford to go to Disney, people. I don't have a job, remember? And besides, why would I buy one anyway? You'd probably make me lift it if I did want one." Two-Bit grabs hold of his shirt and shows it to the camera. "See this? This is some good quality shirt here. Much better quality than the rag Pony's got on right now."

Pony scowls and tackles Two-Bit.

_

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_

**A/N: Yes, I realize I do some of the things Two-Bit mentioned.**

**Edit: Taking into consideration what Artemis said, I have rewritten this in prose. (Something I had been debating on doing but didn't until someone suggested it.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hinton owns.**

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Darry walks in and nearly trips over the wrestling pair. "Will you two knock it off?" he asks, tired from work. He kicks the pair lightly, and checks the mail in his hands. "Pony, did you do your homework?"

Ponyboy and Two-Bit stop rolling around—no, that wasn't meant to be slashified, you pervs—and separate. Two-Bit chuckles. "Yeah, Pony, ain't you got homework to do?"

Pony scowls at Two-Bit and stands up. "Well, maybe if you'd've let me talk, I'd be workin' on it by now," he tells Two-Bit, obviously annoyed.

"Are you sayin' I talk too much?" Two-Bit asks, pretending to be offended.

Pony shoves him. "That's exactly what I'm sayin', you bum. I said it before too. I —"

Darry clears his throat, cutting him off. Poor kid just can't seem to get more than a sentence in. "Pony… Homework. Now."

Pony rolls his eyes. "Aw, but Darry… I didn't even get to talk, and it's not even a lot of—"

Darry gives him a stern look. "Homework." He picks up papers and books off table, handing them to Ponyboy. "Go." Two-Bit snickers as Pony walks away, grumbling something under his breath. "Watch it, you two," Darry warns, giving pointed looks to both of them.

Two-Bit puts on a serious face, and slaps Darry on the back, leaving his hand there. "Can you clarify somethin' for me, Darrel?" he asks. Darry cocks an eyebrow and Two-Bit continues. "What exactly are the two of us supposed to watch?"

Darry narrows his eyes, smacks Two-Bit upside the head, and smiles. "You're impossible, you know that?"

Two-Bit nods, smiling. "So, Darrel…"

Darry raises an eyebrow. "What?" he asks skeptically.

Two-Bit tips an imaginary hat and holds out an imaginary microphone, motioning to the obviously-not-from-the-time-period video camera. Darry eyes it suspiciously, but pushes it to the back of his mind as Two-Bit asks, "Does it bother you that your kid brother gets more than you? "

Darry gives Two-Bit a bewildered look, and then looks in the direction Pony wandered off in. "Pony! Get in here!" he calls, rubbing his forehead. "Jesus… Two-Bit, where the hell did you hear that?"

Two-Bit smirks. "Ain't you heard? Apparently he's real popular with Dallas an' Johnnycakes. Girls… he can control himself with, but Johnny, man… he just can't resist. Maybe if you were home more oft—"

Darry holds his hand up, rubbing at his face some more, looking both nauseous and infuriated. "Two-Bit. Shut. Up."

Pony walks in, a pencil tucked behind his ear. "You wanted me, Dar?" He has no idea what he's about to be accused of.

Darry pinches the bridge of his nose, shoves hands in pockets, and looks at Ponyboy. "You, uh, got somethin' you need to tell me?"

Pony gives him a questioning look as if to ask, "What are you talking about?"

"You an' Johnnycakes?" Darry explains, regrettably. "And Dallas too, apparently… I'll love you still if you're…"—he swallows hard—"you know… if you're queer. You're still my kid brother…" Ponyboy pales considerably, making Darry fade off.

"No, Darry… that's not me. There's this thing… an', an'… I'm not queer!" Darry places hand on his shoulder, and Ponyboy immediately shrugs it off. "No! It's them stupid writers at that, that thing! You know… that place where they write about us? I shoulda never wrote that damn—"

Darry slaps Ponyboy upside the head, making him stop. "Language, Ponyboy," he warns.

Two-Bit laughs and Ponyboy rolls his eyes. "Darry…" Ponyboy says, "don't pretend it doesn't get on your nerves. They make me..."— he swallows hard and shudders at the thought—"do horrible, disgusting things with Johnnycakes, Dar. And Dallas…"—he grimaces—"he… they make him…" Ponyboy stops talking abruptly, and walks away. He doesn't want to think about it anymore.

Two-Bit chuckles and watches Ponyboy walk away. "Poor kid." He shakes head before looking back to Darry and holding up the imaginary microphone again. "So, again, Darry. Does it bother you that the kid gets more than you?"

Darry narrows his eyes and swats away Two-Bit's hand. "Yeah, now that I know what you're talkin' about, it does. I can't stand that website, whatever a website is…" He fades off slightly and scratches head in thought for a moment. "They act like all I do is work, yell, and read the newspaper."

Two-Bit chuckles. "Yeah, you sleep and eat at some point too. I mean really… the nerve of them."

Darry grins and shoves Two-Bit playfully. "How could I've forgotten?" Darry rolls his eyes, turning to the camera and ignoring the fact that it has no logic in being there. "Ya'll make me out to be an asexual hardass. I'm sorry my kid brother was a brat when he wrote that theme of his."

A balled up piece of paper flies past them from the other room. "I heard that, Darry!" Pony calls.

Darry grins (shocking, I know). "Can't help the truth, kiddo!" he calls back and scratches his arm, still grinning. "That's another thing… me and Pony do get along. We just don't always agree. I'm sure we aren't the only pair of brothers that don't get along. It's sibling rivalry on top of teenage authority issues. That just doesn't mix, and plus, I got the state on my back, bills to pay, and two teenage brothers to keep track of. Excuse me if I wanna keep an eye on them, and keep them under my care. I don't want them going to a boy's home any more than they do. And it's not like I don't look at girls or talk to them. It's not like I don't go out. I have a life, so give me one, will ya?"

Pony walks in, paper in one hand and a Pepsi in the other. "I told 'em you went out with your friends and to the gym on weekends. They just don't lis—" Ponyboy tries to explain, but is once again cut off as Darry snatches the paper out of his hand.

"This it? You're done?" Darry ask, looking over it quickly. Ponyboy nods. "I can see right off the bat that number four is wrong. Go rework it," Darry tells him.

Ponyboy takes the paper back from Darry and walks away grumbling. Two-Bit chuckles. Hey Pony," Two-Bit calls after him, "while you're at it… do mine?"

Ponyboy flips him the bird, not even looking back. Darry shoves Two-Bit for making the comment, and turns to Ponyboy's retreating figure. "Ponyboy!" he scolds.

Two-Bit laughs. "Gee, Dar, I can see why they think you're the hardass."

Darry stops and turns to Two-Bit. "Two-Bit… Shut up."

* * *

**A/N: Poor Pony can't get a word in...**

**Edit: Taking into consideration what Artemis said, I have rewritten this in prose. (Something I had been debating on doing but didn't until someone suggested it.)  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: I edited the previous two chapters. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Outsiders, _nor do I own the term "Saint Soda"—I copped that off of Kim**

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The door suddenly opens and Soda walks in, reeking of gasoline, and still dressed in his DX uniform. "Hey ya'll, what's for dinner?"

"I don't know," Darry says, "I didn't get to start it yet."

Soda scratches his head and kicks his shoes off. "Oh. Where's Pone?" he asks and walks away.

Laughter and chairs scraping can be heard from the kitchen. It's pretty obvious Ponyboy isn't reworking that last problem.

Darry sighs and walks into the kitchen. "Soda… let him do his homework."

Two-Bit smiles and follows. "Aw, Darry, let 'em have their fun…"

From the kitchen we hear Soda laugh and agree with Two-Bit. "Yeah, Darry, let us have our fun."

"Fine," Darry replies and we hear the clanging of pots on the stove. "You can tell his teacher how his homework got ripped from you two messing around."

"Aw, Dar… lighten up, will ya?" Soda chuckles and comes back out into the living room, a glass of chocolate milk in his hand and takes notice of the futuristic device. "What the hell?" he mutters, squinting at the camcorder, and walking closer to it.

He pokes at it first, takes a big gulp of his milk and wipes his mouth, then looks at it closer. It's a very nice close-up of the "Greek god come down to earth."

"Hey…" he says slowly, "what's this thing-a-ma-jig?"

Two-Bit walks out of the kitchen, smiling, and points to the camcorder. "You mean that thing you're all over?"

Soda straightens up and backs away, tucking a hand into his back pocket. "What is it?"

Two-Bit shrugs. "S'like a camera or somethin'. I dunno." He smiles mischievously as Soda resumes poking at the camcorder. "Shouldn't you be eatin' cake or somethin'?"

"Darry's makin' dinner, Two-Bit," Soda replies, not looking away. "How's this…" he mutters, not finishing the thought.

"Shouldn't you be at the DX, then?"

Soda looks at him. "What the hell are you talkin' about? I just got off work."

Two-Bit shrugs again, still smiling. "All them authors at that place seem to think you're there all the time, apparently."

Soda's eyebrows raise, and he looks as if he gets it. "Is _that_ what this thing is for? Those fucking writers?"

"Soda! Language!" Darry yells from the kitchen.

Ponyboy can be heard laughing while Soda smiles sheepishly. "Sorry, Dar…" he calls back. Two-Bit chuckles and Soda turns to him. "You know them writers over there have me calling Ponyboy "Baby" all the time. He ain't a baby, why would I call him one?"

"They do it with me too, Soda!" Darry calls from the kitchen.

"Glory, I called him 'honey' once. Once! And now it's like Saint Soda. I mean, I'm flattered and all but give me a backbone. I like fights." Turns to the kitchen. "Didn't you tell them I like fights, Pone?"

"Didn't you read?"

"No."

"Yeah, I told 'em you liked fights."

Soda turns back, grinning. "See? I like fights." He pauses for a moment, thinking. "An' you know what else? I don't cry over everything. I regret ever saying that." He turns to face the kitchen. "You hear that, Pony?"

Ponyboy walks out, pencil tucked behind his ear. "Aw, Soda, shuddup. It's not my fault, you know. They take it all wrong."

Soda messed up his hair, grinning. "Yeah, well, I ain't complaining about the flock of girls drawin' designs on me all the time."

Ponyboy fixes his hair and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, well I wouldn't mind that either. They always—"

"Hey, Sod-y-pop," Two-Bit interrupts, "any of those gals get too much for you, you send 'em my way, you hear?"

Ponyboy scowls at him. "They aren't all blonde, you know."

"How would you know, kid? Your nose is always in a book."

"No it's not!"

Soda laughs. "Yeah, Two-Bit, he draws, too."

Two-Bit laughs and slaps Soda on the back. "You're right! He does. I think I see him eat too."

Ponyboy narrows his eyes and walks away. "Next time I'm not includin' ya'll."

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**Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Forty-two reviews for three chapters? Holy Walnuts! I love you all—keep the reviews coming. :D**

**Big thanks to: Aerodynamics ... for being her awesome self, and, uh, helping me out with this.**

**Disclaimer: Hinton owns; I borrow; you read.

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**

Soda and Two-Bit laugh as Ponyboy walks away, annoyed by their antics and mumbling under his breath.

"Aw, Pone," Soda calls, grinning crazily, "lighten up."

"Yeah," Two-Bit adds, "we were just playin' with ya." He grins and walks into the kitchen, probably planning to annoy the kid some more.

Soda downs the rest of his chocolate milk and pokes at the camera again. "I wonder …" he mutters, thinking out loud. He pokes at the camera yet again, making it wobble very slightly.

However, nothing else comes of it because the front door opens and in walks Steve. "Hey," he greets and cocks his head as he notices what Soda has been poking at. "What the hell is that?"

Soda backs away, empty glass in hand, and shrugs. "Beats me. It was here when I got home. Two-Bit said it was some sort of camera."

Steve takes a better look at it. "Don't look like any camera I've ever seen. Is it even doing anything?" He raises an eyebrow, and then straightens up.

Soda shrugs as well. "Hey, Pone," he calls over his shoulder, "this is your bag, ain't it?"

Ponyboy walks back out, sighing. "What're you talking about?"

"The moon," Steve replies, and rolls his eyes. "What do you think?" He points to the camera.

"Well, ya'll know how I wrote that theme?"

"Yeah," Steve scoffs. "Everyone hates me because of that, you know."

Soda grins and pushes his best friend on the shoulder playfully. "Aw, Stevie's sensitive? Who knew…"

Steve glares at Sodapop. "Shuddup, Soda. They make you out to be a bawl-baby."

Soda's grin falters somewhat, but his eyes remain lively. "Yeah, well, least I still get all them girls. When's the last time one of them writers wrote about a broad going all the way with you?"

At this, Pony's ears go red, and Two-Bit walks into the room. Of course he takes notice. "A dollar says I can get the kid more embarrassed than either of you ever could."

Soda and Steve grin. "You're on," they say.

"Alright," Two-Bit says and rubs his hands together, grinning widely. "So me an' Kathy the other night-"

"Not some random blonde there, Two-Bit?" Steve says, smirking.

"Naw, man," Two-Bit says, and smiles devilishly, "I ain't some innocent like the kid here. I know Kathy's curves like I know my hand." He winks.

"Your hand, Two-Bit?" Soda questions, smirking.

Steve laughs. "I bet you know your hand real well there, Two-Bit."

"Not as well as the kid knows his," Two-Bit jokes, and elbows Ponyboy who seems to be getting redder by the second.

"Aw, Pone …" Soda teases, "you're growin' up."

"Shuddup, Soda."

Steve slaps the kid on his back. "You gotta have some sort of, uh, release, kid. What with the way those writers wanna preserve your innocence an' all."

Ponyboy sneers, and mumbles under his breath, "Not all of 'em …"

Two-Bit grins. "What was that, kid?" he asks, clearly getting a kick out of it all. "You mean to say you've had … _sex?_"

Pony's ears burn red.

"And here I was," Two-Bit continues, "thinkin' you were just an innocent little kid."

"I ain't little and I ain't a kid," Ponyboy mumbles, still red as a tomato.

Two-Bit ignores him, and places his elbow of Pony's shoulder. "But nope, you've somehow managed to get under a girl's blouse, do some exploring … cop a feel. You have trouble with the bra? I know Stevie had trouble with Evie's bra for a while. Couldn't get it un-"

Steve pushes Two-Bit and smiles good-naturedly, cutting him off. "Least I can get it up."

Two-Bit scoffs, and repositions his elbow on Ponyboy's shoulder. The kid is still as red as a tomato. "I get it up more than you do."

Steve smirks. "That's not what I heard."

Soda stretches, scratching absently by the waist of his jeans. "You know what I think?" he asks, still stretching. "I think you both lack."

"Sorry we ain't all 'Greek gods' like you, buddy." Steve slaps Soda's stomach, making Soda contract.

Soda grins. "Ya'll are just jealous."

"Ya'll are forgetting the matter at hand," Two-Bit says, and grabs Pony's face with one hand, making Pony's lips pucker like a fish. "The kid," he continues, "has scored. Little Ponyboy Curtis has seen the underside of a skirt!"

Pony pushes Two-Bit away. "Will ya'll shut up?"

"Why? Was the chick ugly?"

Ponyboy narrows his eyes and his lips become a thin line. "I have not. Gone all the way. With a chick," he tells the three of them, each word carefully articulated with a biting tone.

The three are silent. Soda is trying to give his brother an understanding look, but his smile and laughter are apparent in his facial expression.

"They wouldn't let you below the waist, huh, kid?" Two-Bit finally blurts.

Ponyboy lets out a frustrated sigh, and walks away, letting the front door slam behind him as he goes outside.

It's silent for a second or two more, and then Soda, Steve, and Two-Bit burst out laughing.

Steve, still laughing, calls out the door, "It was a guy, wasn't it, kid?"

Pony opens the door and throws something at Steve. It flies past Steve and the others, hitting the wall with a loud thump. "I. Am. Not. Gay!"

Darry stomps out into the living room, stirring spoon in hand. "Who threw what, and why'd it make the walls shake?"

Pony opens the door and sticks his head inside as Soda smiles sheepishly. "It wasn't nothin', Dar. We were teasin' Pony and he threw somethin' at us in retaliation."

Pony shrugs, trying to look innocent. "Sorry, Darry."

"Don't throw things, kid. Last thing we need is something else broken." Darry shakes his head, sighing loudly, and walks back into the kitchen.

There's a silence for a moment as everyone looks at their feet. Then Steve looks up at Pony, and asks, "So the guy was ugly, then, kid?"

"Why do you care, Steve? You lookin' for a hunk or somethin'?" Ponyboy smirks at Steve's reaction—it went from all smiles to all sneers. "Maybe them writers over at that thing are onto somethin'."

Two-Bit laughs and goes to stand between Soda and Steve, clapping a hand on each of their shoulders. "That's right! They love to see the two of you get it on."

Soda and Steve look at each other and gag.

Steve sneers. "They also love to turn me into a bigger candyass than Soda, and about as dumb as him, too." He rolls his eyes and grins slightly

"You ain't as attractive as me, either, buddy," Soda adds, grinning good-naturedly.

"You're right," Steve says, "I'm much better lookin'."

Pony snorts from the door; he's still only half in. "That's not what all those writers think."

Steve sneers. "Least I ain't a brat kid like you."

"See that?" Pony retorts. "That right there is why they all hate you."

Steve rolls his eyes. "They hate me 'cause of what you wrote, stupid."

Pony disappears for a moment, and the door opens all the way, but it's not Ponyboy who walks in. It's Dallas Winston, back from the dead.

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**Aero's idea that I wanted to use, but unfortunately could not find a place for it: **Steve says, "NANANANANANNANA YOU'RE GAY!"

**Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: It's been too long, hasn't it? I'll try to be better about updates with this. :) Thanks to all who helped by contributing to the thread on Stay Gold and gave me opinions on certain scenes—ya'll know who you are.**

**Disclaimer: Hinton owns the boys; I own the camera ... sorta.**

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Everything is quiet as Two-Bit, Sodapop, and Steve gape at Dallas. Dallas stops in his tracks and looks at the three of them, trying to figure out what they're staring at.

"Christ," he says, "I know I'm good looking, but I ain't gay, so bug off and quit gapin' at me."

They don't stop, and it's unnaturally quiet for the Curtis household. Darry sticks his head out, looking into the living room, and drops his stirring spoon on the ground. He looks more shocked than he's ever been in his life, and no, it's not the first time he's ever experienced it. "Dallas?" he asks, his voice unsure and unbelieving.

"Yeah? What's it to ya?" Dallas retorts, sneering.

Darry opens his mouth to say something, but stops as he notices the door opening. Johnny walks in, completely devoid of any burns from the fire. Ponyboy squeezes inside the door after him, jaw dropped and eyes wide, pressing himself against the wall like Boo Radley in the movie version of _To Kill A Mockingbird_. "B-but," he sputters, looking between Johnny and Dally, "y-you're dead!"

Dallas turns and looks at Ponyboy, a confused sneer on his face. He turns to Johnny. "Am I missing something, Johnnycake?"

Johnny shrugs and walks over to the couch, sitting down. "Beats me. People been lookin' at us weird all night."

Ponyboy is still by the door. "That's 'cause you're dead!"

Dallas walks over to Ponyboy as cool as ever and looks him in the eye. "Do we look dead to you?"

"No, but—"

Dallas grabs Pony by the collar and pushes him against the wall. "Could a dead guy do this?" Pony shakes his head quickly, swallowing hard, looking terrified. "I didn't think so," Dallas snaps and lets go. He looks to the rest of them, shooting them glares. "What're ya'll lookin' at?"

"We all saw you die, Dal. And Johnny was badly burned. You're both dead," Darry tells him, sure yet anxious at the same time. He bends down to pick up the spoon and looks at Dallas for an explanation.

Dallas waves off the notion. "Some Jenny chick played God and brought us back to life."

Two-Bit grins. "Was she a babe?"

Dallas gives him a look. "How the fuck do I know, man? She's God, apparently. I ain't ever seen her." He jerks his head at Johnny. "You ever see her?"

Johnny shakes his head. "Naw, she's one of them invisible writer people over at that place."

"Woah, Johnnycake," Two-Bit exclaims, "you talk!"

Steve hits him in the stomach. "Shuddup. He's not a mute, and he said somethin' before, anyway."

Soda's eyes widen; he's unfazed by Steve and Two-Bit. "You know about that place?"

"I'm not stupid, Soda," Johnny tells him. "I may have been held back a year in school, but I ain't dumb."

Ponyboy slowly detaches himself from the wall and sits down on the arm of the couch by Johnny. "Well, how come she didn't bring back Bob? He died too." Johnny winces for a second at the mentioning of Bob, but doesn't say anything.

Dallas snorts. "C'mon, kid, you're supposed to be smart. Everyone knows Socs go to Hell."

"Yeah," Soda quips, going over to sit on the arm of Darry's chair, "just like you always end up an angel."

Two-Bit laughs. "Dallas as an angel?" He snorts. "Sorry, but I can't believe that. Dallas ain't never nice."

"Shoot," Steve says, sitting on the other arm of the armchair, "Dallas just needs a lady friend to show him the way."

Dallas grins wolfishly. "Yeah, to the bedroom."

"Aw, but Dal," Steve continues, smirking, "don't you know? Now that you're back from the dead, one of our sisters or some new broad with huge tits and a beautiful face that we ain't ever seen before is gonna make you all nice. You know, show you the light and the _love_."

Dallas turns to face Steve, matching his smirk. "Oh, I'll show them the light and the love," he says and grabs his crotch. "I got all the lovin' they need."

Darry grins and shakes his head. "I'm glad we don't have a sister. She'd have to deal with you clowns, then."

Dallas grins. "You're just jealous 'cause you still don't get any action even after I died."

"I have no interest in other guys, Dallas. Me gettin' some has nothing to do with you dying," Darry tells him, grins, and then walks back into the kitchen to check on dinner.

Dally glares at the doorway to the kitchen. "What the fuck're you talkin' about? I'm not gay."

"Tell that to the authors," Darry calls back.

Two-Bit chuckles and plops down on the couch next to Johnny. "You know, Dal, maybe them authors have a point, what with you pushin' Pony against the wall before an' all."

Darry walks back out and leans against the doorframe, still grinning. "Yeah, about that … I don't know if I want you near my kid brother."

Ponyboy looks to the floor. "Darry …"

Dallas glances at the kid suspiciously before turning back to Darry. "What are you talkin' about?"

Darry is having too much fun with this—that much is apparent by the look on his face. "You got a thing for the kids, Dal?"

"I'm not a kid," Johnny says and shoots Darry a look. "And I'm not gay either."

Steve snorts. "You know what they say about denial …"

Dallas clenches his fists and walks over to Steve, grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt and rearing his other fist back, ready to punch. "No, care to enlighten me?"

Two-Bit grins and stands up, stretching. "Darry, where do you keep the first aid kit?"

Everyone stops and looks at him. Even Dallas lets go of Steve, drops his fist, and looks at Two-Bit like he's crazy. "Why, you hurt your brain thinkin' or somethin'?"

"Naw, you were about to hurt Stevie here, and everyone knows this place is like a damn hospital when someone gets hurt," Two-Bit explains. He turns to Johnny and starts trying to push him off the couch. "C'mon, Johnnykid, get up. You ain't bleedin' for once; you don't need the couch."

"Two-Bit," Darry says as a timer goes off in the kitchen, "knock it off." He disappears into the kitchen again, and we can hear him stirring something.

Johnny starts to push Two-Bit away, and a wrestling match ensues. "Darry, wait! Come back!" Two-Bit calls, trying to pin Johnny down. "We're gonna need you to play nurse once Dallas punches Steve's face in!" He laughs and finally pins a squirming Johnny down against the couch. "Damn, Johnny, since when did you get to be so strong?"

Johnny pushes him off and gives a pointed look to Ponyboy. "I'm not some lost little puppy who's always crying or hurt. I can take a hit, and ya'll know that." Pony busies himself with a stray string he finds on his pants.

Dallas beams with pride. "Damn straight he can."

Johnny smiles at the compliment. "An' it's not like I'm always getting jumped, either. Pony too."

Ponyboy rolls his eyes. "I wonder if they'll get that," he says and jerks his head at the camera. "I'm tired of the Socs coming after the both of us. They got better things to do, I'm sure."

Dallas looks at the camera. "Naw," he says slowly, "Socs aren't special enough to have lives." He looks to Ponyboy. "Hey, kid, what is that thing, anyway?"

Soda chuckles. "You just notice it, Dal?"

"Naw, I just didn't care enough to ask about it before."

"It's a camera, we think," Soda says. "Those authors placed it here to watch us for some reason."

Dallas sneers. "Well, that's just dumb. Why would they place it in your house of all places? Nothin' interestin' happens here. If they want to see somethin' interestin', they should try Buck's."

Darry comes back. "Oh yeah, Dal, Buck's is real interesting. People getting drunk and hooking up. _Very_ classy."

Dallas smirks. "You're the only one opposed to it, it seems."

Darry chuckles and crosses his arms over his chest, making his muscles bulge without meaning to. It's lovely. "You only like it because that's where you get all the girls to throw themselves at you. You know, like everyone's sister but Two-Bit's."

Dallas looks at Darry like he's stupid or something. "You don't have a fuckin' sister. None of you do. Only Two-Bit does."

Darry gives him a shit-eating grin. "We got about as many sisters running around as you do, pal."

"_Bull_shit."

Soda chuckles. "Naw, it's true. Most of 'em are twins with me and you, Dal."

"Don't forget me, Soda," Pony adds. "They like to be my twin sometimes, too."

"I don't got a fuckin' twin," Dallas mutters.

"Sure you do, Dal," Two-Bit reassures him, walking over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "She's your long lost sister, and through her, you'll see that you really do have family that gives a hang."

Dallas shrugs it off. "Christ, why don't you give me a fucking kid while you're at it."

The boys snicker at Dallas' expense. "They do that to you too," Steve says. "Dump the little shit on you and turn you into a sap." He pauses, chuckling. "Those writers have you fucking whipped."

Dallas swears, rubbing his jaw. "I'mma fuckin' kill 'em all."

Two-Bit laughs. "Yeah, that's right, head back to jail. You've been out far longer than usual. I'm startin' to think that you _don't_ actually live there."

"Me? Live there?" Dallas questions sarcastically. "No… It's like those authors say, I'm a fuckin' angel."

"Sure, Dal," Steve says, just as sarcastically, "and I'm the Queen of England."

Soda scratches his head and looks away, hiding a smile. "They do tend to portray you as a candyass …"

Steve cracks a grin and punches Soda good-naturedly.

"They think you're dumb, too," Two-Bit adds enthusiastically. "Don't forget that."

"I ain't dumb," Steve says, shooting a glare at Ponyboy before turning back to Two-Bit. "You're the one who can't pass their junior year."

Pony holds his hands up in surrender, laughing. "Hey," he defends, "I said you were smart. Don't blame me for no one agreeing."

"Yeah, yeah," Steve mumbles.

There's a knock at the door and everyone quiets down as Ponyboy stands up. He stops, eyebrow raised, and stares at the door like he can will it open or something. After all, only Social Services, cops, and long lost sisters knock at the Curtis house, so something bad must be about to happen.

"Should there be tension in the air or somethin'?" Two-Bit asks, breaking the silence, and laughing at Ponyboy.

Darry rolls his eyes and walks over to the door, opening it. "Can I help you?"

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**Weird shit ahead! Stay tuned, and review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't even want to think about how long it's been since I last updated. Hinton owns.

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"Hi!" A beautiful girl walks in, her brown curls bouncing with every step. She's wearing modern clothes—teal dress, gray leggings, and blue converse—and the boys are giving her weird looks. Another girl steps in shyly, also dressed in modern clothes, and says nothing; she just stares in amazement. The girl in teal walks past him, looking around, and mutters, "Now where'd they put that?"

"Who're you two?" Darry asks, closing the door. His eyebrows are raised as are everyone else's.

"Well," the girl in teal says as she spots Soda and smiles at him, "my name's Mel, and I'm a self-insert." She then notices the camera out of the corner of her eye and walks toward it, Soda following her with his eyes. She motions to the girl at the door. "And that's Erin. I brought her along for the time travel ride."

The boys look over at Erin who is pressed against the wall, eyes wide and mouth open. Mel starts tinkering with the camera, making it shake even though now all that is seen is a sea of teal material.

Suddenly, she is pulled away from the camera by Dallas, and all eyes turn to them … all except for Pony's, who is staring right back at Erin, a semi-frightened expression on his face.

"Why's Erin keep staring at me?" he asks, his voice confused and childlike. Erin looks down immediately and blushes.

The boys almost turn their attention to whatever is going on between Erin and Ponyboy, but Dallas steals it back before anyone can even process jokes at Pony's expense. "Wait just one goddamn minute here," Dallas growls. "You mean to tell me that _you're_ one of them _authors?"_ His grip tightens around Mel's arm, but she just nods, a hint of amusement in her face. Dallas' free hand reaches for his pocket. "I oughta cut you for makin' me do all that shit."

Mel gently pushes the now pointed-at-her blade away from her. "No no no," she says, with the utmost confidence, still with an amused look on her face. "I'm one of the good ones."

Dallas falters, confused. "What?"

Two-Bit rocks back and forth on his heels, grinning, as all the rest wait tensely. No one ever dares to push away Dallas Winston's blade unless they're looking to start something. "You that dense, Dal?" Two-Bit taunts. "She says she's _good." _

Dallas narrows his eyes and roughly lets go of Mel. He turns to Two-Bit. "Shut the fuck up." Ooh, real articulate, Dal.

Two-Bit rocks onto his tip toes. "Make me," he challenges, eyebrows raised.

Mel smirks. "I'll make you," she blurts, and adds a wink at Two-Bit for good measure as he grins at her. Soda clears his throat and looks down, disappointed, and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

Dallas sneers, over it, and walks over to the couch that Johnny's on, sitting on the arm of it next to him. He starts talking in a low voice, describing in perfect detail a "night not too long ago" of partying, fighting, and getting lucky, using hand movements that make it all very obvious.

Two-Bit looks from Darry to Ponyboy, who's blushing slightly and still looking at Erin, then back to Darry. "Ain't you gonna cover his ears or something, big guy?"

Darry just gives him a hard look as if to say "shut up."

"So what's a self-insert, anyway?" Soda asks, and kicks Steve in order to relieve the awkward atmosphere in the room.

Steve pushes him return and everyone chuckles as Soda topples off the arm of the chair. Dallas goes back to making lewd gestures in the background.

Mel goes over to help Soda up, still giggling. "It's—" she begins to say, but is cut off by Two-Bit.

"Wait, no, I got this." He nods confidently, grinning. "She inserted herself … into the house."

Mel pulls Soda up, but ends up stumbling back onto her butt, laughing. "No," she half-laughs, half corrects, "that's not it at all …"

Soda pulls her up in return, and holds onto her hands a little longer than necessary, but it doesn't seem like Mel is noticing. He opens his mouth to say something, but stops as the front door slams open and Erin jumps about five feet to her left. Dallas stops his hands mid-curve.

In walks another girl, her beautiful violet eyes smoldering and her long, flowy hair swishing behind her as she angrily steps into the room. The boys don't really notice though as they're too busy ogling her in her too tight blouse. "I can't believe you guys ditched me!" she screeches. "I had to fight off five Socs at once." She holds out her hand for emphasis, fingers outstretched. "Five! And I didn't even have my blade on me!"

Darry steps in front of her. "Look, you can't just barge in here. I don't care if you're from the future or know those two or not." He's ignored.

Mel and Erin roll their eyes as Darry throws his hands up, frustrated. There doesn't seem to be much else that can go on to top this. Mel turns to face her full on, letting Soda place an arm around her. They've just met, but he seems to really take to her. Mel and the girl glare at each other.

Pony sidles over to Erin during the intense stare down the other girls are partaking in. "Who's she?" he asks quietly.

Erin makes a face, forgetting her shyness in all that's going on. "Margaretha."

Margaretha quits her glaring contest with Mel and finally takes notice of the boys. Immediately she slips her hair and smiles coyly at them. "Oh, hey," she says, twirling a piece of her hair and cocking her hip to one side.

Dallas sneers. "Really, dollface? Why don't you travel back to your time 'fore you infect us and we all end up with purple eyes."

Mel laughs. "What he said." She turns to face Soda again as Margaretha narrows her eyes. "You wanna—"

Margaretha grabs a fistful of curls and pulls Mel back, slapping her. Two-Bit woops in approval as Erin hurries over and tries to pull Margaretha off Mel. "Chick fight!"

It's a tangled mess of limbs, nails, and hair. Darry's yells at them to stop and even attempts to pull them apart. Ponyboy hasn't moved, but is staring in amused bewilderment. Everyone else is cheering the three girls on, yelling things like, "That's right, Mel, rip her shirt!" and "I didn't know that Erin chick had it in her!"

"Cut it out!" Darry yells, trying to stop Margaretha from pulling Mel's hair, but steps back suddenly as another girl appears out of nowhere. Her long, wavy brown hair swings violently as she joins the fight, and her purple, hazel, blue, and orange eyes blaze with the intensity of one thousand suns.

Dallas points her out over all the commotion, confused. "Where the fuck did that one come from?"

Mel elbows the new girl in stomach. "Cassy!" she grunts as she pushes Margaretha off Erin. "What are you doing here?"

Cassy bares her teeth as she grabs a fistful of hair—whose it is at this point is hard to tell. "Jenny poofed me in, how do you think I got here?"

In the background Dallas scowls. "I hate that Jenny chick," he tells Johnny, who nods in agreement, his eyebrow raised in bewilderment.

Two-Bit's just about dying from laughter as the girls continue to fight and smoke starts wafting it's way out of the kitchen. "Where'd … shit, where'd that one …" he laughs out as Darry and Ponyboy dash into the kitchen. In all the excitement, they forgot about dinner and it started to burn. Two-Bit slaps Soda on the back. "Man, your house has gotta be possessed. Jus' look at the rainbow eyes on that broad!"

Suddenly the door slams open again, making the walls shake, and another girl runs in, heading straight through the gaggle of girls towards Johnny.

"Look!" Two-Bit yells, "It's one of Dallas' long lost sisters! Here ta be little Johnny's mother figure and love interest!"

The four girls stop, panting, and stare at the squeaking girl, now hugging Johnny tightly. He pats her awkwardly on the back even though he's practically being choked. "Oh my God! Oh my God!" she squeals, and Two-Bit falls over laughing. She squeaks again, pulling away, her hands over her mouth, and jumps excitedly. "I love you," she proclaims and squeaks again, before jumping and scurrying out of the house.

Johnny's shoulders are tensed, and his look of fearful confusion have yet to leave his face. "What the hell was that?" he asks, looking around for answers.

The girls just fix their hair, sniffing occasionally, and smooth out their clothes. Two-Bit's still calming down, now sitting up on the floor, his elbows resting on his knees. "Man, that was great," he says, and wipes away a tear. "Poor girl's obviously confused. Soda's the one she should be in love with," he continues, getting a laugh out of everyone but Soda, who isn't even paying attention

Soda touches Mel's hand. "Hey, you okay?" he asks as she turns to face him.

She smiles. "Yeah, I'm good." The water can be heard running over pots in the kitchen, and Darry and Ponyboy's voices carry out into the room.

"You're a pretty tuff fighter."

At that compliment, Margaretha huffs and grabs Cassy's arm, dragging her out. Erin smirks. "Guess you can only be ignored so much," she says and walks over to the door, watching them as they walk away.

"Hey, do you guys hear that?" Steve asks, tensing and straining to hear over the racket being made in the kitchen. Faintly, we can hear the theme song to Hannah Montana playing in the background. Erin checks her pockets, and Mel stifles a giggle at Soda's disgusted face. The music is grating on his nerves.

Johnny is staring at the cushion beneath him, eyebrows raised into his bangs. "Did you guys stuff a radio in your couch or somethin'?" he asks loudly, standing up. Dallas kicks the couch.

"What?" Pony sticks his head out of the kitchen and walks over to where Johnny's standing. Together, they pull the cushions off the couch and step back, revealing a pink, flashing cell phone. "_Darry!_" Pony calls, backing away. Dallas, still sitting on the arm of the couch, nudges it with his toe.

Darry walks in, wiping his hands on a towel. "Pony, you don't hafta yell. I'm right here."

Pony doesn't even seem to register what Darry has said. He just points to the flashing cell phone. "What the hell is that, Dar?" Mel and Erin stifle a few giggles.

Darry scratches his head, and reaches for it, picking it up. "I don't know …" He turns slightly, and we see that he is confused. "Is that supposed to be music comin' from it?"

Johnny shrugs. "Nothin' I've ever heard before."

Pony pokes at it. "Hey, Darry, I think it opens."

Darry flips it around in his hands a few times before opening it. He almost drops it in surprise as the music stops and it beeps loudly. "Uh?"

Mel and Erin let out a laugh finally. "I bet that girl dropped her phone," Mel says, and walks over. She takes the phone from Darry and pushes a few buttons. "Ya'll got a text." Clearing her throat, Mel reads, "Author's note from Allison: Allison would like to take the opportunity to tell you to quit talking to the gang in your author's note. Holding people hostage is illegal in all fifty states."

Darry snatches the phone from Mel, closes it, and holds it out to Pony. "Pony," he says, handing the phone to him, "throw this weird recorder thing away. I don't trust it."

Mel snatches it back. "Wait, wait, I'll take that. We can't have modern technology hangin' around in the sixties." She pulls the front of her dress a little as she walks back to Soda and tucks the phone in her bra, not noticing the looks she's getting from the boys.

Soda puts smoothly his arm around her. "You dig okay, for a self-insert an' all." They share a moment as Johnny pretends to stick a finger down his throat and gag, making the rest chuckle.

"So," Soda says, still not paying attention, smiles and doesn't let his eyes wander from Mel's, "what's an author's note?"

Dallas sneers. "I know you dropped out an' all, but are you really that dense? It's a note from the author, stupid."

Soda counters the face with a look of his own. "Yeah, well why the hell is it randomly on that thing, tellin' us of all people? We ain't a book, you know."

Erin snorts, and everyone turns to her. Mel raises an eyebrow and stifles a giggle as Erin looks down in embarrassment. Oh, if they only knew. Dallas rolls his eyes, but doesn't say anything.

Pony sits down next to Johnny again as Soda and Mel head outside. "Who's Allison?" he asks.

Johnny shrugs. "Beats the hell outta me. What's a profile?"

"Like a profile shot?" Pony asks distractedly, making eye contact with Erin, seemingly having a conversation furtive glances.

Johnny shrugs again. "Prolly has somethin' to do with them invisible authors."

Erin looks out the door again, and steps outside. Ponyboy stands. "Uh huh," he says.

Two-Bit throws his shoe at the kid, making him stumble as he follows Erin out the door. "Have fun explorin'!" Ponyboy throws the shoe back at him, and Darry just laughs. It was worth the lamp wobbling.

Dallas stands up suddenly and walks around, slapping his pockets. "So where are all theses babes that supposedly throw themselves at me?" He turns to Darry and pushes a finger to his chest. "So far, I've seen everyone but you, me, and Steve get attention." He kicks Two-Bit lightly. "Stupid over here even got some smiles and lines. So what gives?"

Two-Bit grins and stands up. "Girls night," he explains, his tone fake and his voice smooth and low, as if rehearsed. "You know how sisters can be." He nudges Dallas in the ribs knowingly.

Steve snorts. "What are you? Ward Cleaver?" he mutters, a look of disgust and confusion on his face. Johnny snickers at the comment, but no one else is paying attention.

Darry rolls his eyes. "Only you have a sister, Two-Bit."

They're both ignored as Two-Bit continues. "I bet your sister can beat you up, Dal."

Dallas's eyebrows furrow in confusion, and he looks around, noting that he's not the only one thrown off by Two-Bit's comments. "I thought we already established that I don't have a sister."

"So you get beat up by an imaginary sister?" Two-Bit, uh, laughs? "Ha ha ha."

Everyone looks at Two-Bit, bewildered, but the sneer on Dally's face stands out the most. "What the hell is wrong with you, Two-Bit?"

Two-Bit shrugs. "Those writers make me act like that, so I figured I'd try it out."

Dallas rolls his eyes. "Remind me again why I hang around with you …"

Two-Bit grins, looking like the answer is the most obvious thing in the world. "'Cause we roll mad deep, yo."

Johnny and the others look at Two-Bit like he's crazy. "_What?"_ Johnny asks.

Darry scratches his arm slowly. "We aren't mad or rolling in anything, Two-Bit. What are you talkin' about?"

Steve snorts again. "I think he's had one too many of those beers the author's like to water him with."

Two-Bit shrugs. He's just experimenting with different phrases it seems.

Dally grimaces. "You're all fuckin' idiots. I didn't come back from the dead to deal with this shit. C'mon, Johnny, let's beat it out of here."

Johnny shrugs and stands up. "Bye, ya'll," he says and out the door they go.

We faintly hear Dallas tell Johnny, "Maybe they'll take Two-Bit with them back to wherever they're from."

Two minutes later, Soda and Ponyboy stumble through the front door together, tripping all over the place. "We just saw the grim reaper!" Pony blurts.

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**Thanks for all the reviews on this story, guys! You're all awesome. Keep 'em up. :D**


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